Confirmation bias affects us more than we realise. In fact, it’s one of the most important of all the ‘theories’. It shapes how we see the world and, more importantly, how we see each other.
In relationships, this bias can sometimes bring us closer, but it can also push us apart. Let’s take a sensible and welcoming look at what this means.
What is Confirmation Bias?
Confirmation bias is when we favour information that supports what we already believe. We notice things that fit our views and overlook things that don’t. This bias helps our brains save energy but can lead to mistakes. These mistakes are more noticeable in our close relationships.
In relationships, confirmation bias means we often see what we expect to see. If you believe your partner is always late, you will notice and remember every time they are late. You might overlook or forget the times they are on time. This can harm how you see them over time.
How It Manifests
Steps to Overcome Confirmation Bias
Acknowledging this bias is the first step to dealing with it. Here’s how you can manage it:
If you’re on the receiving end of Confirmation Bias
Dealing with confirmation bias in a relationship or friendship requires a compassionate and clear approach.
Recognise the Bias: Identify, and be sure, that Confirmation Bias is at play when someone only sees evidence that supports their views.
Communicate Gently: Talk to the person about specific instances. Be kind and calm in your approach.
Share Evidence: Provide balanced information that challenges their views, using facts and examples.
Ask Thoughtful Questions: Encourage them to think critically by asking questions that prompt them to consider other perspectives.
Share Your Feelings: Talk about how the bias affects you personally. Your experiences can make a strong impact.
Seek Common Ground: Find areas where you agree and build from there to foster understanding.
Stay Patient: Change takes time. Be calm and patient as you work through these conversations.
Consider Professional Help: If needed, suggest counseling to address deeper biases impacting the relationship.
Reflect on the Relationship: Assess the overall health of the relationship and decide if it’s worth the continued effort.
Set Boundaries: If necessary, set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
Approach the situation with kindness and focus on fostering an open, understanding relationship. You have the power to navigate this with empathy and strength.
Everyday Examples of Confirmation Bias
Think about your day-to-day life.
Have you ever thought a work colleague wasn’t a team player? Notice how you remember times they didn’t help, but not times they did.
In friendships, if you believe a friend is always complaining, you’ll hear every complaint but miss their moments of joy. This shapes how you see them and can affect the friendship.
Imagine a friend or partner is convinced that a certain diet is really good for their health. They’ve doom-scrolled through lots of positive stories and reels about it. But then, they find an actual scientific study that says the diet doesn’t actually work. They may look closely at the study and try to find reasons to ignore its results, whilst continuing to look for other studies that further support their belief that the diet is actually effective.
When exploring Social Media, people often follow pages or join groups that align with their existing beliefs. This means they’re regularly exposed to content that reinforces their views, while ignoring or dismissing opposing information.
Sports fans may believe their team is the best and will focus on games where their team performed exceptionally well, while downplaying poor performances.
When someone supports a particular politician or political party they might actively search for news that highlights the politician’s achievements and ignore any scandals or mistakes.
After purchasing an expensive gadget, a Shopper might focus on positive reviews to reassure themselves it was a good decision, while dismissing negative feedback as irrelevant or biased.
Let’s talk of first impressions: If someone forms an initial negative impression of someone, they might notice behaviours that only confirm this opinion, while overlooking any acts of kindness or competence that the person may do.
These all demonstrate the confirmation bias in action.
"Can you recall moments when you may have demonstrated or witnessed any confirmation bias?"
Reflect and Empower
Understanding confirmation bias is not about blaming ourselves. It’s about growth. Recognising it gives us the power to change our views and actions. It helps us see our loved ones more clearly and strengthens our relationships.
Face this truth wisely and authentically. Let’s foster personal growth and support each other in overcoming biases. We have the power to shape our own lives and improve our connections with those around us.
Taking these steps can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships and a clearer view of the world. It’s a journey worth taking.
