You get through the day. You meet deadlines. You smile at the right times.
But something inside feels shaky. Off. Like you’re waiting for something to go wrong.
Then it does. You get sick. You forget something important. You burn out.
And a part of you says:
“See? I told you I wasn’t okay.”
This is more than self-doubt. It’s a nagging psychological loop that keeps you stuck, keeps you digging for a ‘reason’.
What’s Really Going On?
At the heart of this is confirmation bias—your brain’s tendency to look for evidence that supports what you already believe.
If you carry a quiet belief like:
- “I’m not really coping.”
- “Something bad is going to happen.”
- “I’m not safe when I slow down.”
…you will unconsciously search for proof to back it up.
This happens fast, beneath your awareness.
What Does It Look Like?
Some common signs:
- You downplay the good (“It was just luck”) and zoom in on the bad (“I knew it would fall apart”).
- You feel physically “off” but don’t seek support—because the discomfort feels like truth.
- You expect relationships to fail, so you notice every signal that confirms distance or rejection.
- You stay busy to outrun your doubt, but every misstep feels like validation of your inner fear.
It becomes a cycle:
You feel off → you wait for proof → you find it → the belief grows stronger.
Why Does This Happen?
Often, it begins in childhood or early trauma:
- You were dismissed when you were in pain, so now you over-monitor yourself.
- You were praised for coping, so now illness is the only acceptable cry for help.
- You didn’t feel safe to be vulnerable, so proof of struggle feels like permission.
Over time, you might develop an identity around not being okay—even if you’re functioning well.
And your brain will keep reinforcing that story until you update the script.
How to Start Shifting the Pattern
- Name the Bias
When you catch yourself thinking “See? I knew it”, pause and ask:
“What belief am I confirming right now?”
Naming the bias creates distance. - Look for Counter-Evidence
What if your body isn’t betraying you—it’s protecting you?
What if being tired means you need rest, not that you’re failing? - Journal the Pattern
Try finishing these prompts:
- Today I believed I wasn’t okay because…
- Here’s what else might be true…
- If I stopped proving I was unwell, I’d have to face…
- Ask Yourself This:
“If I didn’t need to prove anything, what would I give myself right now?”
The answer often reveals what you truly need: care, rest, permission to be human.
What This Isn’t
This isn’t self-sabotage. It’s self-protection.
It’s how your brain keeps you consistent with your emotional history.
But healing is about not letting that history run your present life.
A Thought to Take With You
“Sometimes we seek validation for our pain when what we really need is permission to feel safe.”
You don’t need proof to start healing.
You just need a moment of honesty, and a bit of care.
